All About Codependency

All About Codependency

Codependency is described as having an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. One person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or underachievement. Codependency is also known as “relationship addiction”, which tends to be one sided, emotionally destructive and abusive.

Here I’ll list the some of the signs of a codependent relationship, remember, everyone is different so these can be subject to change.

-Difficulty making decisions in relationships

-Difficulty identifying your feelings

-Difficulty communicating in a relationship

-Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself

-Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem

-Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval

-Having an unhealthy dependence in relationships, even at your own cost

-Having an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others

As with everything, there are ways to overcome codependency. Here are 9 tips:

1) Separate showing support from codependency

2) Identify patterns in your life (Do you have a tendency to gravitate toward people who need help? Do you have a hard time asking your partner for help?)

3) Learn what healthy love looks like (Healthy love involves a cycle of comfort and contentment while toxic love involves a cycle of pain and despair, partners trust themselves and each other, both partners feel secure in their self-worth, partners can compromise)

4) Set boundaries for yourself (tips to honor your boundaries: listen with empathy but stop there, practice polite refusals, question yourself: why am I doing this, do I want or feel like I have to, will this drain any of my resources, will I still have energy to meet my own needs?)

5) You can only control your own actions-you are not responsible for your partners or anybody else’s actions

6) Offer healthy support (healthy support may look like: talking about problems to get a new perspective, listening to your partners troubles or worries, discussing possible solutions with them rather than for them, offering suggestions or advice when asked then stepping back to let them make their own decision, offering compassion and acceptance, value each other for who they are-no what they do for each other)

7) Practice valuing yourself (codependence and low self-esteem are linked, spend time with people who treat you well, do things you enjoy, take care of your health, let go of negative self talk)

8) Identify your own needs ( ask yourself “what do I want from life, independently of anyone else’s desires”, journal your answers and what these questions bring up)

9) Consider therapy (identify and take steps to address patterns of codependent behavior, work on increasing self-esteem, explore what you want from life, reframe and challenge negative thought patterns)